This is a review of the latest Game of Thrones episode, the second of the sixth series. There’s going to be spoilers, obviously. I mean, duh. Wake up. Welcome to the internet, ye fool ye. Time to kick off the review.
So there’s nowhere to begin but with the return of
JC JS. Jon was brought back to life by a Melisandre prayer to the Lord of Light. We all pretty much knew that he’d be back after being ambushed by the Night’s Watch baddies in the last series. What we weren’t sure of was the manner in which he would return and the chosen method was pretty underwhelming. Not to mention cliched. Couldn’t he have emerged from flames or anything better than a simple gasping for air ‘twist’.
That’s the thing that probably undermined it. It wasn’t really a twist at all so maybe the writers weren’t too bothered about the manner in which he was summoned from the dead. But is it still going to really be Jon? Don’t these resurrected blokes lose a bit of themselves every time they’re brought back? Ghost perked up when he sensed that his master was alive so he’s not going to be very different. Perhaps it will instill a new confident quality in his judgement and ability. Perhaps he’ll be more commanding and less apologetic about the decisions he makes.
Surely his return will see Melisandre’s faith restored. If not then maybe she’ll consider opening up a salon of revitalisation. A bit of conditioning is the secret of eternal zest. Davos, Mel’s new BFF, might have to give her one more pep talk before she whips off her age-concealing necklace in public. By episode three one would imagine that Jon is up and running again having finally gotten the hang of breathing. You’re forcing it, mate. Relax.
Sansa, Brienne and Podrick are making a winter break for Castle Black, while Theon, having served his stint as Reek, is taking his Edward Scissorhands tribute act back home. Seriously, he should be in absolute bits after his time with Ramsay and he’s emerged from Winterfell with a bloody cravat. The show never ceases to shock. Home for Theon is the Iron Islands and upon his return he’ll find that his dear father Balon is no longer around.
In the books it’s alluded to that Balon is killed after he falls off a rickety bridge during a storm only for his brother Euron to show up shortly afterwards. Telly doesn’t care much for ambiguity and shows the Crow’s Eye clotheslining his brother over the top rope and into the raging waters below. Yara has to win the throne that she feels she should really be inheriting by campaigning for votes in the Kingsmoot. It’s a Game of Thrones election, basically. It’s unlikely, but maybe Theon will throw his name into the ring now that he remembers it.
The teaser for the next episode shows Ramsay being presented with a gift. It’s probably not Theon. Instead it could be dog food. The new Lord Bolton has been improvising while rations run low for his pooches, bless his heart. The corpse of his dead lover, the live bodies of his brother and stepmother. He loves those dogs. Credit where it’s due. If he ever has to answer for his crimes then the biggest could be that he spoiled them dogs rotten.
Tyrion had a few quips and freed the dragons, kind of fulfilling a childhood ambition. These huge, ferocious, fire-breathing monsters couldn’t break out of chains that Tyrion simply pulled apart. Smarter than men, they said. Arya looks like she’s staying blind for another episode but at least she’s off the streets after somehow passing that Faceless Men test. Is that girl who keeps beating the shit out of her even real? Is it Jaqen H’ghar dressed up as a woman?
Tommen was being a fish-mouthed wuss but might stop sniveling for long enough to plan an attack on the holy playground bullies and that irritatingly self-righteous High Sparrow. The Mountain is still bashing skulls and Jaime is up for a scrap. That’s going to come to a head soon. Also, we saw the return of Bran. A walking Bran, scoping out Winterfell in a vision of the past. We see a young Hodor before he became the big fool he is now. He was a chatty, courteous young fella. His fate’s a bit heartbreaking. The word Hodor means something. We’ll find out what Wyllis is talking about soon.